Billy Masters 04.20.23
"You leave your phone in the car and don't answer for the night and this?"
–Drake Bell addresses someone reporting him to the police as "missing and endangered".
The size of Pete Davidson's penis has long been a point of discussion among his former paramours. There was Ariana Grande, who joked that Davidson was sporting "like 10 inches" –but do I expect accuracy from a member of the Grande family? Kim Kardashian added fuel to the fire by admitting she only dated him because of his "big dick energy". Davidson put the topic to rest...kinda. During a recent chat with Charlamagne tha God on "The Breakfast Club", Pete admitted, "It's really not that special. It's a very normal-sized penis." While he didn't get into specifics, he added, "It's not too big or too small. It's big enough to enjoy and not big enough for it to hurt, is what I was told." By whom? Because if it was Ariana, I suspect anything more than a thimble is gonna make her scream "Ouch!" Conversely, I bet you could have a javelin and Kim would ask, "Is it in yet?"
I suspect many of you are waiting to hear what I have to say about this Dylan Mulvaney situation, but you probably should be checking out another column. You see, I've never even had a Bud Light. But let me say this –if you are going to buy or not buy a beer based on somebody in an ad, you've got bigger problems.
Is Mo'Nique a member of our community? Well, she's certainly gay-adjacent. In her latest comedy special, "My Name is Mo'Nique", she shares a conversation she had with her husband –whom she calls "Daddy" (side note –I really hate it when people refer to their partner with parental terms). "Daddy," Mo'Nique said, "I want to be with another woman sexually." Her husband responded, "Bitch, me too!" Well, ain't that a kick in the clitoris! Mo'Nique then said, "Now I know y'all are looking at me, saying, 'Wait a minute, bitch. Are you a motherfuckin' dyke?' No, I'm not...all the way." See? Adjacent. She also discusses her Uncle Tina, but for that story you should check out the special on Netflix. And I think I should book her for a future "Billy Masters LIVE".
Last week, the hysterical Judy Gold was my guest on "Billy Masters LIVE". We discussed many topics –including her very hot (and very straight) sons. She just wrapped up her show, "Yes, I Can Say That!" off-Broadway, and is heading back on the road –including a special performance at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia on Mother's Day (May 14th). That show, which will be all about her mother, will be recorded for future release. She'll also be at the Post Office Café and Cabaret in Provincetown this summer. You can find all things Judy on her website, JudyGold.com. To find out more dish, check out my chat with Judy (among others) on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.
Some of my favorite stories this week come from overseas. Like this headline –"Former Gay Adult Film Star Running for Mayor of a Spanish Village". I don't know why, but I picture chickens and donkeys running around –or maybe I've seen one too many productions of "Carmen". Antonio Moreno (no relation) did gay porn under the name Héctor de Silva as recently as 2021- and he was remarkably versatile, which has nothing to do with this story. He moved to the little village of Carcelén because that's where his boyfriend is a forest firefighter. Antonio is working as a livestock farmer and wants to help the village, which is termed as "very abandoned" and has roughly 500 residents. So he's thrown his sombrero into the ring. He is running against Maria Dolores Gómez Piquera, who has been mayor since 2011. She may have the edge, but did I mention Antonio is versatile?
Two hot Latin men are in a tussle, and I for one couldn't be happier. It all started with Eduardo Verástegui, who I fondly remember as a member of the Latin pop group Kairo. He also appeared in Jennifer Lopez's video for "Ain't That Funny", in addition to the 2003 flick "Chasing Papi" (opposite Sofía Vergara, Lisa Vidal and Roselyn Sánchez). He then segued into a bunch of telenovelas, during which time he was rumored to be dating Ricky Martin. Somewhere along the way, he became a conservative politician and a supporter of Donald Trump!
Then there's openly gay Polo Morín, who'll be appearing in the upcoming Amazon flick "Red, White & Royal Blue". But you can currently see him in the Netflix series "High Heat" –which is about firefighting male strippers (yes, really). The shower scene alone will get you all hot and bothered! Polo is also very active on social media where he regularly posts risqué photos. Well, he's hot, in his early 30s, and has no body fat. And he's got a fantastic ass and pretty sizable penis. Why do I know this? Well, when Polo was outed, it was with a leaked sex video –which you can see on our website.
Now that you know the players, let's get to the game. In a recent speech, Eddie said, "Without a doubt, homosexuality is linked to pedophilia". Well, he said it in Spanish, but pedophilia is one of those universal words. This was all a bit much for Polo, who responded on Twitter. "If that was the case when YOU 'were' gay, it's just that –YOUR PERSONAL CRIMINAL EXPERIENCE. Hopefully one day you'll find the peace that you say you've found so you no longer have to 'condemn' others." The duo went back and forth a few times, but you get the gist. You can make your own gist after seeing the hot footage of both fellas on BillyMasters.com.
Since we're talking foreign nudity, I picked an appropriate "Ask Billy" question. Greg in Chicago asks, "I heard about a naked dating show in Europe. Did they actually show all on a regular channel? Was anyone hot?"
Ah, this would be "Dating Naked Germany". And, in this case, the title says it all. It also proves that the vast majority of the world's population should not be seen naked 24/7. It's just not a good look. It does, however, get one in the mood to iron! On the show, there are a few lookers. There's the striking Fabio De Pasquale –who may have some German in him, but is mostly Italian. He's a personal trainer and has a number of reality shows under his belt. In fact, what's under his belt is as impressive as what's above his belt. Some countries will get to watch the show on Paramount+. The rest of you can check out some of the more notable talent on BillyMasters.com.
When I'm in the mood for some knockwurst, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Well, if they're really hot, they don't even have to knock –what's the wurst that could happen? Oh, these puns –I'm a regular cunning linguist! I should mention that there was a notable female contestant on "Dating Naked" –she is a former Miss Frankfurt...and that joke writes itself. For some visual aids, head to www.BillyMasters.com –the site that can give a Frankfurt as well as take one! If you have a question for me, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before I get a glimpse of Davidson's kielbasa. To my fellow Albanians, "Krishti u Ngjall." To the Greeks, "Christos Anesti." And to everyone else, remember: one man's filth is another man's bible.
