Billy Masters 05.14.26

 
"Congressman, I will let you describe why you went into Tim Cain's ass today."

- Politico Donna Brazile to Rep. Dan Crenshaw on "Real Time". Crenshaw took offense to the "phrasing" and quipped, "He's the last ass I would go into."


Where was I? Ah, yes — my quickie trip to the Left Coast (as a friend used to say). I was back in my sumptuous Beverly Hills adjacent abode for the wedding of gay porn legend Kurt Young to former West Hollywood mayor John Duran. I'm sure my faithful fans are probably thinking "Didn't you marry Kurt Young back in 2004?" Yes, but it's a long and complicated story, not unlike the film "Chinatown". The three of us discussed that wedding on "Billy Masters LIVE", which you can see on our website. It really boils down to two things — Kurt would do anything for a gift bag, and I'd do anything for cake! Kurt and John's reception took place at The Chapel, part of The Abbey (which is where our marriage took place — Kurt quipped, "All of my weddings take place here!"). My companion for the event was bon vivant Bruce Vilanch, proving forevermore that we are not, in fact, the same person. It was a lovely day, and I was honored that John and Kurt included me!

During the wedding, Bruce shared two stories with me, but prefaced them by saying, "You can't report this". So I didn't — and two days later, they were all over the news. Scooped again!! The first is that Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker have signed a deal for "Hocus Pocus 3". And, unlike the last film which went direct to Disney+, this one is planning to have a theatrical release — likely coming out around Halloween 2027.

The other story Bruce shared was that "Celebrity Autobiography" is opening on Broadway on May 18th. Like the previous incarnations, it will feature a revolving cast of luminaries — including such stalwarts as Sherri Shepherd, Kathy Griffin, Mario Cantone, Jackie Hoffman, Andrea Martin, and Vilanch himself. I hear the producers are trying to convince the Divine Miss M to participate — perhaps as soon as opening night. Stay tuned.

While out west, I also got to see another friend perform — Susanna Hoffs. The once-and-forever Bangle did an intimate concert at Largo at the Coronet Theatre and was in fantastic form — with onstage assistance by Fred Armisen. Hoffs debuted some new material which she is working on and revealed she is doing her own take on The Beatles' "Help" album. She is also working on either a musical version of her novel, "This Bird Has Flown". And, in answering my direct question, she does plan to make public some of her unreleased recordings, including her entire 1994 album for Columbia. Busy, busy.

Kathy Griffin has announced that she will be doing a residency in Palm Springs. Now, you know how I don't like people using the word "residency" lightly — so I am calling this residency-adjacent. "Can You Handle This Heat? The Kathy Griffin Palm Springs Residency" will take place at the newly renovated Plaza Theatre in Palm Springs next year on January 31st, February 26th, and March 26th. It's being billed as Kathy's "first-ever residency". How quickly people forget her weekly residency at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood back in 2019. Every Monday in April, Kathy walked on stage in her pajamas at 9:45PM. She set a kitchen timer for 60 minutes. She'd stop whatever she was saying when the timer went off. The next week, she'd pick up where she left off.

One residency is announced, and another is cancelled. Dolly Parton just revealed that her upcoming Las Vegas residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace has been cancelled because of health concerns. "It's gonna take me a little while before I'm up to stage performance level because some of the meds and treatments make me a little swimmy-headed, as my grandma used to say. And, of course, I can't be dizzy carrying around banjos, guitars, and such on 5-inch heels — and you know I'm gonna be wearing them. Not to mention all those heavy rhinestone outfits, the big hair, and my big...uh...personality. Lord, THOSE, uh, THAT, would make anybody swimmy-headed." Dolly says she's still working on her Broadway musical, "Dolly: A True Original Musical" and hopes to turn up at the opening of her museum and hotel in Nashville. So far, Freida Parton has "No comment" on Dolly's health!

The Met Gala took place last week, and it was more notable for who boycotted it rather than who showed up (but, suffice it to say, Cher, Madonna, and Stevie Nicks did NOT pose together). Many people skipped the event due to the involvement of Jeff Bezos. People like Meryl Streep, Zendaya, Taraji P. Henson, and Bella Hadid declined their invitations. Billy Porter skipped it, but not because of a boycott — because he wasn't invited. "I don't go to places where I'm not welcome," said Porter. Or invited.

Since we mentioned the Met Gala and Meryl, let me say something very brief about "The Devil Wears Prada 2". What a disappointment. The biggest problem? There's no script. Sure, there's an idea of a script. Perhaps even a concept of a script. But no actual script. At least not one worthy of the actors...or the characters. Yes, I have gone on record being against long, meandering exposition, but SOME exposition is always welcomed. Frankly, the only scenes that work are carbon copies of what worked in the first film. Tucci and Hathaway raiding the closet, Meryl and Hathaway in the car, etc. That said, it was fantastic spending time with these beloved characters and seeing them interact. The film's ending gave a tantalizing glimpse into what a movie about Emily would be. I'd see that!

The Tony nominations were just announced. I hope I'm not being too predictable when I admit I was elated by the omission of Lea Michele. She wants it so badly she can taste it. Well, maybe that's how she stays so slim. She's on a steady diet of snubs! Congrats to June Squibb who made history as the oldest acting nominee (she's 96).

The big news on Broadway continues to be "Oh, Mary!". And they proved me wrong. Apparently a woman can be successful in the role of Mary Todd Lincoln — if that woman is Maya Rudolph. With the "SNL" vet in the leading role, the play broke its own record and brought in $1.5 million at the box office. Now that she's opened the door, perhaps other "SNL" alums will get a shot — like the always underestimated Cheri Oteri!

By the by, "Oh, Mary!" has announced the cities for a national tour. It kicks off in Hartford, CT on September 19th and is slated to hit 16 other cities into 2027. No word on casting...yet.

In some positive political news, the administration of El Presidente has agreed to restore the Pride flag at the Stonewall National Monument. As you'll recall, it was unceremoniously removed back in February since it did not represent the administration's "official sentiments". People flew their own flags and launched a legal battle against the National Park Service. Last week, a settlement was proposed that would allow the Pride flag to be flown alongside the US flag — unless there's a maintenance issue or any other concern.

The Boston Red Sox have announced they are sponsoring a "Heated Rivalry" Night. The Sox have often featured Boston Bruins at games, so a baseball/hockey relationship is nothing new. On August 31st, Fenway Park will be filled with Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander Red Sox jerseys. They'll even sell a special baseball cap that says "I'm coming to the cottage Fenway". Red Sox VP David Baggs (who happens to be gay) said, "If the 'Heated Rivalry Night', 'Pride Night', or other themed nights that celebrate the LGBTQ community make fans feel more welcomed at Fenway and other venues, then that is a win."

This leads to our "Ask Billy" question, from Paul in Dallas: "I know everyone says Hudson Williams is straight, but whenever he's around Connor Storrie, they always have their hands all over each other. What's the truth?"

You're right — they are very touchy-feely. But not everyone who is touchy-feely is dating — or, dare I say, fucking. Yes, they even shared intimate moments at the Met Gala. Hudson tried to put his jacket on Connor, only to be told "his arms can't fit into it". Later, they did some bathroom selfies. So, what is the truth? Hudson says, "I was always kind of adamant that no matter what people think or want to infer, like, I'm always going to just physically express my love." Connor lamented, "If I have my hand on his leg as we're sitting down doing a press thing because he's my best buddy and I love him, and we have that level of comfort, it's just interesting that that instantly gets turned into, 'They're more than friends'." You can see some of these public displays of affection on BillyMasters.com.

When there's such a thing as being too affectionate, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Ironically, this is how those rumors of my marriage to Kurt Young got started. We are naturally very affectionate with each other. OK, so there was a minister, and champagne, and even a ring...just not in a place immediately visible. But, as they say, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. And sometimes these things turn up on BillyMasters.com — the site that always turns the other cheek (so to speak). Should you have more questions, send them along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before I go to Hudson and Connor's wedding! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.